There are moments when I am so excited about having 2 precious little kids...and then there's days like today...when I am scared out of my mind. Days when I get so completely frazzled by my toddler that I think, "Holy crap I must be nuts to add a newborn to this mix!" What event has made today so bad...one word...naptime.
Julianna had a great morning playing with the box from our new pack-n-play (I think all kids love big cardboard boxes), despite waking up to a diaper that leaked through her PJ's and all over her bed(thanks Joe for giving her the cup of water before bed). She ate a good lunch, and helped me clean up, then we headed up to bed, and it all went downhill. She has learned that mommy is not allowed to pick her up, and when she doesn't want to go where I want her to or do what I want her to, she goes limp and lays on the floor. She knows I basically have to leave her there until she decides to get up. She went limp 3 times on the way to her bed.
I finally got her into bed and covered her up, kissed her and told her to sleep good, turned and left the room closing the door behind me. Five minutes later I heard her door open (we put a gate at her doorway so she can't leave her room) and a sweet voice saying "mommy...love...mommy...love". This continued for about 15 minutes, then turned into screaming and crying, which I tried very hard to ignore. I went upstairs, and after a struggle, got her back in bed, covered her up, kissed her and left the room again.
Not even 5 minutes later, her door opened again. I heard her say "pewy...pewy". Which lately means she has a dirty diaper. Yep, so I changed her diaper, got her into bed a third time and repeated our routine...blanket...kiss...leave. I heard her get out of bed and start playing with some toys. Fine. She can play all she wants if she is being good and I am getting my quiet time. But then...CRASH! BANG! SMASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! She was throwing all her toys over the gate in her doorway and onto the wood floor in the hallway.
So, for a 4th time I got her back into bed (it was now 50 minutes after I layed her down the first time!), but I layed down with her. I covered her up...kissed her...and pretended to fall asleep (I probably could have!). After 30 minutes of fingers poking my facial features and telling me what they were, little hands rubbing my arms, & "ticka ticka ticka"-ing me, the thumb went in the mouth (hers not mine), and she fell asleep!
I just told Joe last night that I am terrified of the first few months when he will be on shift and I will be alone with 2 kiddos for 24-48 hours at a time. I know I will be able to do it, that's not the issue, but my pre-planning self doesn't like that I will have to learn as I go. I want to make a plan now and prepare for how to handle days like today. Time to start letting go of my organized and structured self and embrace a chaotic but exciting new life.