Wednesday, August 22, 2012

An Emotional Day

I'm having a really rough emotional day today.  I'm having a hard time not thinking about what I "should" be doing. 

I should be playing with my kids...not sitting on the couch while they're at grandma's.
I should be school shopping for Julianna...not getting blood transfusions just so I have enough energy to walk across the room.
I should be grocery shopping & canning the veggies in our very neglected garden...not letting Joe shop & letting veggies go to waste.
I should have kids that have a normal mommy...not listen to Julianna tell me how she wishes I wasn't sick & that I felt better so I could play with her.
I should be going out with friends...not going months & months without seeing any of them.
I should be living a normal life...not dealing with this crappy cancer for almost 2 years now.
I should have a husband who can just be a husband & dad...not my caregiver and everything else.

I want normal again...and not our current "I have cancer" normal.  I want "I'm in remission" normal.  After almost 2 straight years of constant treatments, pain, feeling like crap, missing my kids, and so much more...I am ready for remission.

Lord, I am on this journey for reasons I don't know, and I know you have a plan, please give me strength to continue the journey and reach the amazing destination of remission.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Great Results!

A lot has been happening once again here at our house.  I started a new chemo treatment just over a week ago and the results I've gotten so far are beyond AMAZING!

Just before I started this treatment I was up 2 lumps on my shoulder, 1 in my leg, 1 on my back, 1 on my chest, and 4 on my head.  Just 9 days after starting the new treatment I only have a very small lump on my chest and a small one on my leg left!  WAHOO!  That is truly amazing! 7 of the 9 lumps that had appeared in just a few weeks time are gone after just one treatment!

I am beyond grateful for Dr G and how caring he is.  The new chemo has hit my white blood cells much harder than any other treatments I've had.  They have been at zero for the last 4 days...that means I have no immune system right now.  As a precaution he has been giving me IV antibiotics and he even came into the office on a Saturday to give me a dose (he came in for me & 1 other patient).

My family also held a garage sale this weekend to raise money to help with my medical bills and to say it was a huge success is an understatement.  We had so many people donate items for the sale, and the number of people who came out & shopped was crazy!  There were even several people who said they came to the garage sale last summer that my sister had for us & were glad to see she was doing it again this year.  Joe & I of course greatly appreciate every one's efforts & help.  I don't even know what we would be doing or where we would be right now without the amazing generosity of our family, friends and even strangers.  So thank you to everyone!

I have high hopes for this new chemo treatment, despite its nasty side effects (nausea, vomiting & just plain yucky feeling for several days after treatment) I am confident that it will work and I am going to kick this cancer!