*This post contains specific pregnancy info, read at your own risk.
I try really hard to not wish for things I cannot have. But in the last 24 hours I couldn't stop wishing I was having a normal pregnancy, one not plagued by the term high-risk and the history that makes it that way, one without all the fears and knowledge that I now have. Yesterday, I started noticing some odd symptoms, called my OB and he pushed my appointment from this coming Friday to today. Now, the symptoms were not horrible and if I was having a normal pregnancy, I probably wouldn't have thought anything of them, but in my case they could mean bad things.
Dr. O was concerned that I may have started dilating (at only 9.5weeks! SCARY!). It is too early to consider a cerclage, so I was naturally terrified. T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D! But after a physical exam that confirmed I was not dilating, and a trip to the ultrasound room to make sure my cervix wasn't thinning, my mind was put to ease (for now).
I did get to see baby, and boy was he/she active! The ultrasound tech had a hard time getting her heart rate because she wouldn't stay still. Today her heart rate was 171 (high because of her crazy aerobics), I not only got to see it on the ultrasound, but could hear it as well. And I could even see her teeny tiny arms and legs flailing about. That was the best part of the whole appointment! I now have 3 more pics of this baby!
DR. O is pretty sure now that my symptoms are a side effect of my progesterone therapy,which I stop in just 2.5 weeks (I can't believe I'm so close to 12 weeks already!). Then lucky me gets to start P17 shots at 16 weeks and continue them, one a week, until 36 weeks. I am also going to have an ultrasound to check my cervix at just about every appointment, and if there are any changes, then I will get a cerclage.
I really wish I didn't have to panic and worry at every little twinge or pain or other unusual symptom. I wish I could be like so many of my friends who are pregnant and just enjoy this pregnancy. I wish this pregnancy could be normal.