Friday, May 1, 2009

I'm a Worrier

Not one of my happier posts by any means.

I am a worrier. I come by it naturally, my mom's a worrier, my grandma's a worrier, it runs in our family. Most of the time I can manage my worries fairly well. But when I start worrying--watch out! I worry during breakfast, I worry at the grocery store, I even worry in my sleep. Yes, I dream about my worries.

My new worry has to do with the fact we were told we are going to have new insurance soon. That wouldn't worry the average person. Sure, they may gripe and complain about it, but they probably wouldn't lose sleep. I do. I am not worried about the fact that Julianna may have to get a new pediatrician(I like Dr. M, but I could like other pediatricians too & thank goodness her neurologist will still be good), or that we may have to find a new dentist(although I really like mine). No, I am worrying about what happens someday when Joe and I decide to have another baby.

With our current insurance, we are approved to go to a hospital just minutes down the road that has a whole department of perinatologists (high risk OB's) and an amazing Newborn Intensive Care Unit (the one Julianna stayed in). I would have all the necessary-& wanted-measures for future pregnancies(since I am considered extremely high risk) within a 10 minute drive. If we have another preemie, I would be just those 10 minutes away from the baby.

With the insurance we were told we are going to have starting June 1st, we are approved for a different hospital just a few minutes further away. Not a problem you may think, but I would disagree. From what I can find out on my own, there is only 1 perinatologist at this hospital, and their "Neonatal Special Care Nursery" is not a NICU and can only handle minor newborn emergencies. Therefore, if we have another preemie, the baby would be transferred to a hospital more than 30 minutes away. That in itself wouldn't be too bad, I mean if other mom's can do it, so can I.

Here is what really worries me about this new scenario:

*I won't have all the options available to me to prevent a second preemie (1 doctor compared to a whole department).

*If Julianna had been born in the hospital we will have to go to, would they have even been able to stabilize her for transport? I mean, it took the doctors and nurses at a highly capable NICU hours to get her stabilized. Would a NSCN only capable of minor newborn emergencies be able to do that

*At our current hospital I would have all those doctors and the NICU available 24/7. The new hospital only has the perinatologist part-time.

Many of you probably know what hospitals I am talking about. And I am so not bad-mouthing our new one. I have had many family and friends who have delivered there & really liked it, but their pregnancies and deliveries were "normal". Nothing about any of my future pregnancies will be "normal". The idea of future pregnancies already worries me to no end (due to medical reasons), and now I would have to deal with new doctors, new nurses, a new hospital, and I worry it will lead us right back to where we were with Julianna, only with a worse outcome.

I know this was a rather unpleasant post, but I needed to write about this. I needed to get my worries out in the open, to know they are not irrational, and after writing it I can take a deep breath and hope everything will be fine.

Who am I kidding, I'll keep worrying about it.

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