The BEST Difference

It's amazing how quickly I've noticed differences already between Julianna's pregnancy and this one. I had absolutely no "morning sickness" with Julianna, but have a nagging slightly nauseous feeling that continues on and off all day with this one. I wasn't even sure if it was "morning sickness" since I didn't have it with Julianna. I shrugged it off for a few days as just not feeling good due to my horrendous allergies, but after almost 5 days, I figured that has to be what it is.

There have been other slight differences, but I think the biggest is our lack of blissful ignorance. When I was pregnant with Julianna, everything was fabulous. I mean it was our first baby, I wasn't experiencing any negative symptoms, and I spent a few hours each week reading about how she was developing and changing. I would often skip the sad chapters that said everything that could go wrong. I do remember reading the signs of preterm labor (not that reading about it helped me recognize it). But mostly I read the happy things. And I would frequently have vivid dreams about when my beautiful baby girl would be born and how wonderful it would all be. I would plan her nursery, but not get around to working on it, because we had plenty of time, 9 months actually. We were blissfully ignorant about what could happen.

This time, I know what can happen, unfortunately from first-hand experience. Every little twinge I feel, I try to remember if I felt it with Julianna this early or if something is wrong. I am planning for a 6 and a half month pregnancy, at least then I'll be prepared, just in case. I read my pregnancy books each week, but this time I don't skip anything, especially the preterm labor stuff. And my dreams, they are very vivid again this time, but not as pleasant. Last night, every dream I had ended in a premature delivery of this baby. We are no longer blissfully ignorant about pregnancy. We know what can go wrong.

I have to make an effort to block all those thoughts and just enjoy being pregnant. That is much easier to do when I play with Julianna and see how wonderful she is. When she laughs, I get very excited about the thought of her laughing with her new brother or sister. When she is running around the house, I imagine her being chased by her little brother or sister. I lose all anxiety, no matter how temporarily, whenever I think of how much this baby will add to our family. It's not us starting a family like before, but adding to it. And that is the best difference between my pregnancies so far.