Monday, June 14, 2010

Worries About Will

I've posted before about being a worrier. Having kids made it worse. Having kids with medical issues has made it phenomenally worse. Tomorrow, Will has his second check-up with Dr. Awesome since coming home from the hospital. I am trying to look at it as just a routine check-up, but as I am quickly learning, nothing with a heart baby is routine.

I worry every day if Will is eating enough. If he doesn't eat his whole bottle, was it because he just didn't want it or did he get too tired to finish (a sign his heart is working too hard)? I worry if he sleeps too much. Is he just going through a growth spurt or is his heart working overtime and wearing him out? I worry if he doesn't have a certain number of wet diapers, he should have lots due to his lasix.

And then I have my random every once in awhile worries. Worries about what could happen in the future, about what could happen if Will's heart doesn't continue to function as well as it is. Worries I don't want to have or even think about.

I am worried about Will's check-up tomorrow. Will he have gained enough weight? Will his echo still show his left ventricle is functioning normally? Will his coarc repair have narrowed again (he has a 20% chance of that happening)? Will his valves still be opening enough?

I've already realized my life will constantly be filled with worry now. It's just a matter of learning to control my worries.

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