I'm having a really rough emotional day today. I'm having a hard time not thinking about what I "should" be doing.
I should be playing with my kids...not sitting on the couch while they're at grandma's.
I should be school shopping for Julianna...not getting blood transfusions just so I have enough energy to walk across the room.
I should be grocery shopping & canning the veggies in our very neglected garden...not letting Joe shop & letting veggies go to waste.
I should have kids that have a normal mommy...not listen to Julianna tell me how she wishes I wasn't sick & that I felt better so I could play with her.
I should be going out with friends...not going months & months without seeing any of them.
I should be living a normal life...not dealing with this crappy cancer for almost 2 years now.
I should have a husband who can just be a husband & dad...not my caregiver and everything else.
I want normal again...and not our current "I have cancer" normal. I want "I'm in remission" normal. After almost 2 straight years of constant treatments, pain, feeling like crap, missing my kids, and so much more...I am ready for remission.
Lord, I am on this journey for reasons I don't know, and I know you have a plan, please give me strength to continue the journey and reach the amazing destination of remission.